


Loving you is painful

by wendigo_alderson



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Blood, Bruises, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I mean it's not really smut but theres shirtless gays, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Illness, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, angsty Chris, injuries, kissy kissy, post! Lodge, recovered Josh, sexually confused Chris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 03:39:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5359700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendigo_alderson/pseuds/wendigo_alderson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the mountain Chris has been struggling more than ever with mental health and coping. He deals with his confusing relationship with Josh and PTSD by fighting to pay for his meds. But on this particular night he runs into Josh after a fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving you is painful

Chris that out a heavy huff of breath, his chest heaving, blood dripping down his nose. He swiped at his face with the back of his hand, the blood smudging off in a weak red color that left a stain on his skin. A while ago Chris would’ve never seen himself doing this, fighting for money. But after the events at the mountain it’d been harder to control his emotions. Not only that but paying for his meds was expensive business. When Chris fought, he let himself become consumed by all the rage and the hurt and confusion. He let it pull him apart, and take control, ripping apart his enemies. When his fist struck skin, he thought of how Josh could never love him, Josh a straight male. When his leg struck out with the force of a bullet, he remembered the fear of the mountain, how he couldn’t save Ashley, how he couldn’t save Matt. When his finger wrapped around his opponent’s neck he thought of the dirty looks, the disappointment, how he isolated himself. A fist entered his line of sight and he quickly blocked it with his forearm, moving in close to his attacker. His bloodied knuckles pounded into the abdomen of the man, sending him lurching back. His opponent spat out blood, but Chris was already on his again, sweeping the man’s legs out from underneath him with a swift kick. The small crowd roared as his attacker hit the ground. Chris’s mind was hazed with the intensity, the clouds of confusion and anger. Before he knew it he had the man pinned beneath him, his fists swinging back and forth, barraging the poor male’s face. He felt himself being pulled off the man, and he struggled for a moment. Everything was a haze as he was declared winner, as the crowd’s cheers blurred in his ears. He received the bundle of cash from the man with wrinkles and the eyes of a cat. 

The air was cold when Chris slipped out into the darkness of the street. He’d patch himself up once he got home, for now he’d managed to stem the bleeding in his nose, but blood was still caked on his upper lip. The blonde buried his nose further into the collar of his jacket, his glasses fogging up slightly from his warm breath.   
“C-Chris?” The familiar voice rang out. The blonde looked up, eyes wide. His gaze fell on the shocked brunet carrying a bag of groceries. “Chris oh my god it is you.” Josh breathed, and at that moment Chris wanted to know what was going on inside his best friend’s head. They used to visit and text one another every night, but as of late the confusion that Chris felt had kept the blonde from communicating. Josh was already hurrying toward him though, and suddenly his hands, the color of soft mahogany were brushing across Chris’s bruised cheekbone. Chris flinched at the touch but slowly leaned into it, his eyes flitting shut. “Fuck bro, I’ve been so worried about you. You’re staying over at my place tonight.” The brunet commanded.   
“B-”  
“No buts Christopher.” Josh replied, eyes gleaming mischievously. Of course the blonde hadn’t forgotten what a sassy bastard he was.   
That’s how Chris ended up sitting awkwardly in his friend’s apartment. As Josh was preparing coffee in the other room, Chris managed to slightly unzip his jacket, allowing him to breath easier. He didn’t notice Josh standing in the entrance of the living room until he heard a sharp intake of breath. “Chris…” Josh breathed, eyes wide as he took in the crude splatter painting that was Chris’s face. Bruises, cuts and blood splats covered the majority of his features. Josh had completely forgotten about the coffee, already hurrying toward Chris. The blonde looked anywhere but his eyes. For a moment the brunet just sat in front of him, taking it all in. Softly, Josh raised his hand to Chris’s forehead. His gentle fingers began to map out his features, the new eyebrow scar, the dark purple bruise lining his cheekbone, the cut on his chin, the blood under his nose. Chris grabbed Josh’s wrist before he could pull it away, his grip tender. His knuckles looked like a bouquet of flowers, ranging from hues of dark red to sunset yellow, lavenders and forest green. The blonde barely realized what he was doing but suddenly he’d captured Josh’s lips, and his lips tasted soft and sweet as Chris moved his own against them, delicately. When the blonde slowly broke apart with him, eyelashes shading his vision, he suddenly realized what he’d done. Chris quickly sat up pushing himself away.   
“Josh I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” He began to apologize, but his rambling was cut off by a passionate kiss. Josh’s kiss was more confident, his lips moving in a gradual rhythm as he gently pressed a hand against the blonde’s chest. Those few moments felt too short, and as Josh retracted his lips, face so soft and beautiful Chris felt alive.   
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Chris murmured, running a hand through Josh’s close-cropped hair. As the brunet began to unzip Chris’s jacket, he sucked in a breath. He knew what Josh would find underneath wasn’t all that pretty. The blonde shrugged off his dark green army jacket gently and the warm air surrounded him. His right arm was littered with bruises, not from fighting, and a tattoo of a dark raven wrapped around his upper forearm. His wrists were pinkish, covered in too many scars to count.   
“Why?” Josh murmured, sliding his fingers across the bumpy skin of Chris’s wrist.   
“I was so lost and confused, I didn’t know how else to get it out.” the blonde whispered, his voice cracking slightly. Chris would normally feel exposed, sitting there in a tight black t-shirt, his tattoos peeking out from the fabric, his scars out in the open. But Josh, Josh made him feel safe. Chris hid his face in the brunet’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the exposed flesh of his collarbones. “I’ve loved you for so long, oh god.” He mumbled against Josh’s skin. Josh ran his hands through Chris’s hair soothingly, kissing his temple sweetly. Josh broke them apart for a moment, but before Chris could protest, Josh was pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his beautifully tan chest and stomach. All the blonde could do was stare in awe for a moment, admiring the prominence of his hip bones disappearing into his grey-blue sweats, and the way his chest expanded when he breathed. Chris began to pull his own shirt over his head but Josh stopped him. The brunet then proceeded to remove the garment himself. Chris’s chest was pale but muscled, he himself having a clear V in his hip bones. He had another tattoo, this one of a tree, creeping up from his hips to his heart. His stomach was slightly reddened from scarring too, but Josh was quick to press his soft lips against Chris’s scars. The blonde sucked in a breath, hands catching in Josh’s hair. Josh trailed his hands up and down Chris’s chest, his lips mapping a trail up to the blonde’s heart.   
“Josh, I love you so much.” He murmured, breathless, and slightly teary eyed. The brunet smiled up at him, before capturing his lips, in the sweetest of kisses.   
“I love you too dork.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ey so I hope you liked it, just a quick drabble.


End file.
